TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 24)

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM TANSKI

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 23)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 22)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 21)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 20)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 19)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 18)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 17)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 16)

Cold Blooded Christmas Song - watch more funny videos

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 15)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 14)

Here are some ideas to give the kids this Christmas.

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 13)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 12)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 11)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 10)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 9)

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TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 5)

Copy and paste this holiday treat.



http://www.metatube.com/play/5439/Christmas-Time-for-the-Jews-SNL.html

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 4)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 3)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 2)

TANSKIPEDIA CHRISTMAS ADVENT CALENDAR (day 1)

We are laughing!

Here are 7 SNL celebrity Jeopardy's. By far one of my all time favorite sketches.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Film 31 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0 THE FINAL CHAPTER

FILM 31

FILM: HALLOWEEN

PREMISE: The year is 1963, the night; Halloween. Police are called to 43 Lampkin Ln. only to discover that a 17 year Judith Myers had been stabbed to death, by her 6 year-old brother... After being institutionalized for 15 years, Myers breaks out just days before Halloween. No one knows nor would wish to find out what would happen on October 31st 1978, besides Myer's physciatrist Dr. Loomis. He knows Michael is coming back to Haddonfield, but by the time the town realizes it, it'll be to late for many people...

REVIEW: John Carpenter took a low budget film and he scared a generation of movie goers. He showed that you don't need budgets in the 8 or 9 figures to evoke fear on an audience. Because sometimes the best element of fear is not what actually happens, but what is about to happen. What was that shadow? What was that noise upstairs? He knows that these are the ways to scare someone and he uses every element of textbook horror that I think you can use. I even think he made up some of his own ideas and these should be ideas that people use today. But they don't. No one uses lighting and detail to provoke scares, they use special effects and rivers of blood. And it is just not the same. You can't be scared by a giant special effect that makes loud noises and jumps out of a wall. It's the moments when the killer is lurking, somewhere, you just don't know where, that scare you. And Halloween succeeds like no other film in this endeavor. One of the best horror films of all time and it still creeps me out to this very day. I give this a 10 out of 10.

FILM 30 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 30

FILM: House of Frankenstein

PREMISE: Dr. Niemann regales his hunchbacked cellmate, Daniel, with tales of how he had nearly put the brain of a human into a dog. This gives Daniel hope. If brain switches are possible, that would mean his own brain could be removed to a better home than the misshapen body he's now trapped in. A thunderstorm destroys their prison, and they escape to find refuge in the company of a traveling carnival. The carnival owner has possession of the skeleton of Count Dracula, who can be revived by removing the wooden stake from the area of his heart. Niemann has the hunchback kill the owner, and then resurrects Dracula to kill those who had sent him to prison. But Dracula has other plans. Later, Niemann and the hunchback encounter a gypsy caravan where Daniel falls in love with a beautiful gypsy girl. She travels with them to Frankenstein's ruined castle, where they find Frankenstein's monster and the Wolf Man frozen in ice. Niemann thaws them out, finding the Monster fairly inert and the Wolf Man changed back to the tormented Larry Talbot. To Daniel's misery, the gypsy girl falls in love with Talbot, unaware of his lupine alter ego. Meanwhile, Niemann promises both the hunchback and Talbot new bodies. But as usual, the bad doctor cannot be trusted.

REVIEW: Kind of a let down. Considering the set up. Still a great time to make films. I just love the look and feel of these old Universal films. It was a great time to be alive with the exception of the World Wars. Great ideas were wasted but still a fun little movie to watch at Halloween but only then. I give this a 6 out of 10.

FILM 29 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 29

FILM: Fright Night

PREMISE: Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) is a teenage horror movie fan. One night he sees new neighbors moving in next door and they appear to be carrying what looks like a coffin. Charley shrugs this off until he sees his new neighbor Jerry Dandridge (Chris Sarandon) biting the neck of a young woman. He tells his mother (Dorothy Fielding) what he saw but she doesn't believe him. He tries to tell his friend "Evil" Ed (Stephen Geoffreys) and girlfriend Amy (Amanda Bearse) but they also believe Charley is mistaken and begin to worry about his mental wellbeing. Charley calls the police claiming that he saw Dandridge killing his date and that there is a coffin in the basement. The police investigate and not finding the hooker (Heidi Sorenson) and the teenage girl (Irina Irvine) they tell Charley to never call the police again.

Charley then decides to seek the help of veteran vampire movie star and local late-night horror showcase host Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), who after a long and mediocre career has become cynical and dispirited. Vincent visits Dandridge with Brewster in order to persuade Charley that he's deluded (by asking Dandridge to drink tap water labeled 'holy water'), only to find that Dandridge casts no reflection in his mirror. When Dandridge lures Amy into his home, Charley persuades Vincent that they must confront Dandridge, igniting Vincent's long-slumbering faith and strength.

REVIEW: This film is in my top 5 pantheon of all time favortie horror films. I am dating myself but I saw this gem in the theaters in a busy screening at the Hoyts Cine 6. The audience was all a buzz and it was an amazing experience. The cast is great from top to bottom
Chris Sarandon ... Jerry Dandrige

William Ragsdale ... Charley Brewster
Amanda Bearse ... Amy Peterson

Roddy McDowall ... Peter Vincent
Stephen Geoffreys ... 'Evil' Ed Thompson
Jonathan Stark ... Billy Cole

The effects were really good for it's time too. And let's not forget the end Amy vampire... Wow! I love love love this film. I give it a 10 out of 10.

FILM 28 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 28

FILM: Bad Moon

PREMISE: One man's struggle to contain the curse he hides within... and his last-ditch attempt to free himself with the love of family. But when it looks as if he is loosing his battle, and endangering all he holds most dear, the family dog, Thor, is the last hope for his family's survival... and the end to his Werewolf curse.

REVIEW: Pros's: The dog vs. werewolf aspect was neat. The werewolf creature was pretty good. The last 20 minutes were really entertaining

Con's: Michael Pare's acting. The werewolf transformation was cheesy morph technology but hey it was 1996. It took too long to get good.

I did end up enjoying this film. I am interested to read the book the movie was based on. I give this a 6 out of 10.

FILM 27 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 27

FILM: The Gravedancers

PREMISE: After the funeral of a old friend who died in a car accident, former school friends Harris, Kira, and Sid break into the local cemetery after dark, and after Sid reads a mysterious incantation he finds on one of the nearby tombstones, they dance on the graves. Soon, the three of them find themselves haunted by three different ghosts whose graves they desecrated. Harris and his wife Allison find themselves haunted by a deranged female pianist/ax murdered. Sid gets haunted by a child pyromaniac. And Kira haunted by a sadistic rapist. All of them turn to a paranormal investigator named Vincent Cochet and his assistant Frances to try to help them break the curse they imposed on themselves before the next full moon when they will be killed by the ghosts wrath.

REVIEW: Now I have watched 2 years of the After Dark Horrorfest. I just watched the Ghost House Underground Collection. It sad to say at close to 24 films within those sets that I have liked 3 films. I think it is time to stay clear of these little film fests until I get a consensus at the quality of those said films. Enough of my rant the one movie I loved so much to own was The Gravedancers. Just a great spooky horror film with some genuine chills and some great over the top f/x's. Now the acting is mediocre it is made up by the great set up and some great creepiness. This is a must see for genre fans. I give this film an 8 out of 10.

FILM 26 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 26

FILM: SAW V

PREMISE: Following Jigsaw's grizzly demise, Mark Hoffman, the final apprentice to the serial killer is reigned a hero. Meanwhile, Agent Strahm is tested and puts the pieces together. While Strahm realizes that Hoffman is helping Jigsaw, five seemingly unconnected people face a horrible lesson of teamwork.

Strahm follows all the leads he can get off Hoffman, including the death of his sister and why he joined Jigsaw. Hoffman and Strahm circle each other until it boils down to a gruesome and bone-crushing finale.

REVIEW: Now I love the first film. I have gotten diminishing returns from each sequel. Though I have never been a fan of this films I still anticipate them and believe they are of a much better quality then half the horror films Hollywood churns out. Please have part 6 (yes there will be a part 6) be the last. This current enstallment of the series was very very boring. Now some of the traps are cool, Tobin Bell is cool and the connection of the previous films was interesting. The major problem besides some of the acting choices is that this film is no longer suspenseful or especially this scary. I know in the screening I went to a couple fell asleep from boredom. And that ending UGH! This is the worse of the series and these films either need to stop or take a long sabbatical. I give this film a 4 out of 10.

FILM 25 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 25

FILM: Trackman

PREMISE: Well, our robbers had a fine plan escaping the bank except for the killer being in the abandoned metro system. Now they have to survive, managing 2 hostages, 1cop and maybe treachery inside the team.

REVIEW: Don't let the cool poster fool ya. This Russian made horror film is very low budget and very un entertaining. If Slasher Films made love to the Torture Porn Films this film is it's offspring. Good ideas are wasted in this boring annoying crap fest. I give this a 2 out of 10.

FILM 24 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 24

FILM: Room 205

PREMISE: When 19 years-old Katrine moves to a dormitory she is exited that she is going to be living by herself for the first time. Soon, however, she is confronted with the dark past of the Dormitory. A former resident died here some years ago. Katrine is involved in letting the ghost into the Dormitory - and it seems the ghost is going for revenge.

REVIEW: Ugh! With the exception of the U.S. versions of The Ring and The Grudge. I am not a fan of J-horror films. They are all the same plot and never satisfy. This is Denmark's contribution to the genre. This film is boring and never scary. I will admit there are maybe 2-3 decent jumps and the climax was ok. All in all this film was not entertaining and a waste of time. I give this a 3 out of 10.

FILM 23 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 23

FILM: The Substitute
PREMISE: 6th Grade gets a new substitute teacher. She wants to train the class for an international competition in Paris. But something isn't right. How is she able read kids' minds? Why is she so mean? And how does she manage to convince everyone's parents she is so great when the whole class knows she is really an alien?

REVIEW: This is a fun little horror film. My only really major gripe was not with the actual film but the presentation. There was no subtitles available for this DVD release. I was stuck with the awful dubbed version. It totally took me out of the film. I could swear an adult was doing the voice over work for one of the children. The dialoge and f/x were cheesy but it still was a good time. And if you saw the other films from this marathon (Dance of the Dead excluded) you will realize that this a decent film from the genre. I give this a 6 out of 10.

FILM 22 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 22

FILM : The Creature from the Black Lagoon

PREMISE: A scientific expedition searching for fossils along the Amazon River discover a prehistoric Gill-Man in the legendary Black Lagoon. The explorers capture the mysterious creature, but it breaks free. The Gill-Man returns to kidnap the lovely Kay, fiancée of one of the expedition, with whom it has fallen in love.

REVIEW: This is just a classic 50's Universal Horror film. The underwater photography is just amazing. The Gill Man suit is also a great accomplishment. The film has lost some of its edge of the years but still is very cool and entertaining film. I give this film a 7 out of 10.

FILM 21 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 21

FILM: Sleepy Hollow

PREMISE: The classic story of "The Legend Of Sleepy Hollow" is brought to life by the gothic film maker Tim Burton. Johnny Depp plays Ichabod Crane, and to win the heart of Katrina Van Tassel (Christina Ricci) he will have to brave the nearby woods, even though several decapitated bodies have been found. And then the legend of the axe wielding headless horsemen come together to make this movie. Written by Chris Barker

In the early United States of America, young policeman Ichabod Crane is sent to from New York to the fledgling settlement of Sleepy Hollow to investigate a series of ghoulish murders. On his arrival, the town council informs him that the three victims were killed in open ground, and the heads had disappeared - taken by a headless ghost that is supposedly responsible. Ichabod is unconvinced of this, but learns more about the ghostly horseman - it is the ghost of a Hessian sent by the British during the revolutionary war, and he was caught by redcoats and decapitated with his own sword. When Ichabod sees the ghost kill one of the town council members, his skepticism evaporates - and he soon discovers that the horseman's ghost has an unholy connection to Balthus Van Tassel, a wealthy farmer - and whose daughter Ichabod is falling in love with...

REVIEW: I was always a big fan of Disney's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. That cartoon always scared the crap out of me. Now mind you this film did not scare me but I sure did love it. Just amazing direction from Tim Burton and the cast looked like they had a good time making this. Johnny Depp as usual was great. This was before he blew up from those overrated Pirate movies. (even though the first Pirates is one of my all time favorite movies. I loathed 2 and 3.) This film felt like the Hammer films of old. Just a great spooky time had by all and a great film to watch before Halloween. I give this an 8 out of 10.

FILM 20 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 20

FILM: No Man's Land: Rise of the Reeker

PREMISE: A sheriff and his son chase casino robbers, only to find that all of them are being chased by something else.

REVIEW: Now my very first film for this marathon was the first Reeker film. The sequel is pretty much the same movie with different characters. If you already know the twist than this film is ineffective. It starts out really strong with a origin story of the Reeker. The characters were much more likable than the first film but that doesn't help the fact that nothing really starts to get good until 40 min. into it. The creature is cool and is tools of destruction are neat too. There is a really good movie in here I just wished it was more fleshed out and entertaining. I give this film a 6 out of 10 for being slightly better than the original.

FILM 19 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 19

FILM: Dark Floors

PREMISE: While in the hospital for a tomography of the brain of his autistic daughter Sarah, Ben becomes upset when there is a power failure. He decides to leave the hospital with Sarah, while the nurse Emily tries to convince him to leave Sarah for further treatment. They get the elevator with three other passengers, and suddenly the elevator stops; when the door opens, people has vanished from the hospital, the environment is creepy and they are chased by devilish monsters. They find that they are trapped in the hospital, and the creatures seem to be hunting Sarah.

REVIEW: Now I want to say this was a good movie. I think the film makers thought they had a really smart film with twist and turns. All they did was confuse and anger. It just was not an engaging film and I got very bored very quickly. There were some decent scares and the f/x were actually really good. The only reason to rent this would be the creatures. Apparently they are a GWAR like heavy metal band from Finland called LORDI. http://www.lordi.fi/Lordi_The_Official_Website.htm
Their costumes are incredible and very cool. I guess it wasn't that bad. Just a little confusing. I give this a 5 out of 10.

FILM 18 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 18

FILM: The Howling

PREMISE: There is a serial killer on the loose, Karen White is the only reporter he communicates with. After a near fatal encounter with him at an adult video store, she is ordered to take a vacation. Eddie was killed by Police, but Karen doesn't want to let it go and discovers that he came from a tiny community in the woods and that's where she decides to vacation with husband Bill. Big mistake, because Eddie was an outcast of a pack of Werewolves who is trying to keep a low profile and doesn't want any interviews. Can Karen and Bill escape the village of the wolf?

REVIEW: Now it took me a good 40 minutes to get into this film. I eventually came to really enjoy this tongue and cheek werewolf classic. All the little nods to old werewolf films were great. I also really liked the look and feel of this film. The cast was also great. Knowing Joe Dante's body of work, I loved seeing all is favorite actors in various roles. (Dick Miller, Robert Picardo)The werewolves monsters in this were great and very creepy. Just a really good time once it got going. I give this a 8 out of 10.

FILM 17 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 17

FILM: Brotherhood of Blood

PREMISE: Carrie Rieger tugs at her bonds. The young vampire huntress has to free herself. Guarded by vampires, chained in a dark cellar by the mighty vampire King Pashek, her time is running out. She knows an even greater threat than the vampires is coming relentlessly closer. Everything will be decided tonight.
Carrie has crossed a dangerous trail: Back from a faraway journey, a man slowly transforms into a vampire. And he transforms further - into something that even the vampires fear; the mighty vampire demon Vlad Kossel.
The vampire sovereigns killed Kossel many hundreds of years ago, but now he has seemingly returned. In his new body, he will take revenge and destroy everything in his way. There is only one hunter who can stop him...

REVIEW: *One day the makers of the soft core porn movie There's Something In Mary decided on there off day to make a legitamate film. The fluffer had a great idea for a little indie vampire movie. The director called in some favors and got Sid Haig and Ken Foree to star in there movie. It would be an easy shoot. They only needed 2 sets. Then they filmed on there nights off for about a week. From the fruits of their labor Brotherhood of Blood was born. Well it should of been aborted. This was one of the most amateutish pieces of filth I have ever seen. It was painful to watch and it wasted the talent they hired to star in their film. Namely Haig and Foree. UGH! Just awful. I give this a 0 out of 10.

*Dramatization

FILM 16 (31 Films of Horror) 2.0

FILM 16

FILM: Stephen King's Silver Bullet

PREMISE: The small town of Tarker's Mill was a place that was very peaceful, where nothing ever happened. Until one night, murders begin. The town people believe its some maniac killer on the loose and intend to hunt the man down. Marty, a young handicapped boy, believes that the killer is no man at all, but a werewolf. After a run in with the werewolf Marty and his sister, Jane hunt all over town for the man who is the werewolf.

REVIEW: I rememeber really liking this film as a kid. It is not very scary. Too many POV of the monster shots took away from any scares. And a lead character narrates as an adult so you just know she survives. With all these flaws I still enjoy this film. I loved the twist and there is some great gore and set pieces. And the best thing in this film were the main characters. Especially Gary Busey, he steals the show and makes you wonder what happened to this great character actor. Corey Haim and Megan Follows also shine. The werewolf in this was iffy but it did not take away from my enjoyment of this overlooked 80's horror gem. I give this a solid 7 out of 10.

FILM 15 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 15

FILM - Faces of Death

PREMISE - A 'mockumentary' hosted by Dr. Francis B. Gross, a coroner. He is trying to show you the different 'faces' of people while dying. There are faked scenes of people getting killed intermixed with footage of real accidents. There are executions by decapitation (in an Arab country) and the electric chair. One scene shows a group of tourists in Egypt smashing a monkey's head while still alive and eating its brains. There are shots of animals eating people and satanic orgies using dead bodies. There is a segment that deals with an alligator that accidentally entered 'residential' waters. The local warden goes in his boat to get the crocodile back into the sea when he accidentally falls over and becomes gator bait. The film ends with news clippings of people jumping off buildings and major

ANTAGONIST - N/A

BLOOD AND GORE - Ugh! Good luck eating meat again.

SCARES - N/A

REVIEW - A horror film podcast I listen to said that if I had never seen this film then I shouldn't be listening to it. I am sure back in the early 80's this was cool, secret and taboo thing to see. In this day and age with the internet and youtube this stuff is so tame and boring to the point where this film is no longer relevent. Did I mention it is also hokey and boring. The first 40 min. PETA should use to show the horrors put upon animals. Slaughter houses are prevelant throughout the beginning. Now knowing that most of this stuff was recreated or fake dampens the matter that this film is shit. If there is anything positive about this it would have to be the whole 70's look and feel which had me nostalgic for the show In Search Of... I give this film a 2 out of 10.

FILM 14 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 14

FILM - Dance of the Dead

PREMISE - An American high school prom in Georgia (U.S. state) Georgia is unexpectedly interrupted when a graveyard, next to a nuclear power plant, becomes the sudden source of resuscitated cadavers. As zombies march on the high school, a motley group of dateless teenage outcasts, among them Jimmy (Jared Kusnitz), Lindsey (Greyson Chadwick), Stephen (Chandler Darby) and Kyle (Justin Welborn), take on the zombies and save the day.

ANTAGONIST - Zombies of the 28 Days Later variety

BLOOD AND GORE - If it is a zombie movie then it has both.

SCARES - Not really. Very tongue and cheek.

REVIEW - Take a dash of the Freaks and Geeks tv show, add Return of the Living Dead part 2 and then add a smidge of 28 Days Later and you have this film. Not as cool as it should have been but still entertaining. I give this a 6 out of 10.

FILM 13 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 13

FILM - Se7en

PREMISE - A film about two homicide detectives' desperate hunt for a serial killer who justifies his crimes as absolution for the world's ignorance of the Seven Deadly Sins. The movie takes us from the tortured remains of one victim to the next as the sociopathic "John Doe" sermonizes to Detectives Sommerset and Mills -- one sin at a time. The sin of Gluttony comes first and the murderer's terrible capacity is graphically demonstrated in the dark and subdued tones characteristic of film noir. The seasoned and cultured Sommerset researches the Seven Deadly Sins in an effort to understand the killer's modus operandi while green Detective Mills scoffs at his efforts to get inside the mind of a killer

ANTAGONIST - John Doe the smartest killer you'll ever meet

BLOOD AND GORE - Not much. It is mostly seen via photos or quick cuts. SAW needs to send Se7en a thank you card for inspiring the dirty grungy look to certain horror films

SCARES - Lots of great suspense and tension. One part made jumped out of my seat when I first saw it.

REVIEW - One of my all time favorite films. I kick myself for not thinking of it first. Brad Pitt can be very grating at times but Morgan Freeman more than makes up for it. He is and forever will be one of the greatest actors of all time. This movie has a lot of balls for it what it attempts and I respect the filmmakers for not being pressured by the studios to change certain things. Just an amazing film. I give this a 9 out of 10

FILM 12 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 12

FILM - From Hell

PREMISE - The infamous Jack the Ripper case set in London of 1888. The Ripper has been running amok in the Whitechapel district murdering and dissecting prostitutes. Scotland Yard Inspector Fred Abberline, aided by his partner, Peter Godley, are on the case to figure out who this serial killer is and why he is killing these women in such a brutal manner. Abberline is an opium addict and when "chasing the dragon" he is able to have visions of the future, a certain psychic ability that allows him to solve cases. As Abberline and Godley investigate the crimes, they become acquainted with the prostitutes who were friends and colleagues of the victims. Abberline begins to fall in love with Mary Kelly, one of the prostitutes, or as the nobles called them "unfortunates", being hunted down by Jack the Ripper. Abberline digs deeper and deeper into the conspiracy and attempts to solve the case before Mary Kelly is the next victim.

ANTAGONIST - Jack the Ripper. The mother of all serial killers.

BLOOD AND GORE - Decent amount of both. The shots don't linger on the gore but it is there. So much so a good buddy of mine threw up and passed out while watching this.

SCARES - Not really but there is creepy quality and look to the movie.

REVIEW - I thought the directors (The Hughes Brothers) of this film should be commended on this. They brought a great look and style to what was a pretty standrad script that thought it was smarter than it really was. The cast with the exception of the miscast Heather Graham did a great job. Johnny Depp as always shined. Not a great movie but slightly entertaining. I give this a 6 out of 10.

FILM 11 (31 Days of Horror)

FILM 11

FILM - Shaun of the Dead

PREMISE - Shaun doesn't have a very good day, so he decides to turn his life around by getting his ex to take him back, but he times it for right in the middle of what may be a zombie apocalypse... But for him, it's an opportunity to show everyone he knows how useful he is by saving them all. All he has to do is survive... And get his ex back.

ANTAGONIST - Hundreds and hundreds of Zombies of the George Romero variety

BLOOD AND GORE - Decent amount of both. Some parts are not for the squeamish.

SCARES - A couple here or there.

REVIEW - This one of my all time favorite horror films and one of my favorite films as well. Simon Pegg and director Edgar Wright make romantic zombie comedy. That is a hard feat to pull off. Just a great cast and a great film. I am a big British guy so anything dealing with that way of life I am in like Flynn. The makers of SPACED do a nice homage to the George Romero zombie films of the 60's, 70's and 80's and make it their own. I give this film a 10 out of 10.

FILM 10 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 10

FILM - Rogue

PREMISE - An idyllic wildlife cruise disintegrates into terror when a party of tourists are stalked by a massive man-eating crocodile. Pete McKell, a cynical American travel writer, joins a disparate group of holiday-makers on a river cruise through the waters of Kakadu National Park. Initially Pete clashes with their tour captain, Kate, a feisty young woman who assumes he is just another 'city-slicker' in search of a quick thrill. After an uneventful day cruising the river, Kate is reluctantly persuaded to steer their boat into unexplored territory. They discover a secluded lake but terror strikes when their craft receives a powerful blow from beneath the murky depths and begins to sink. With little choice, she beaches the vessel on the closest dry land -a tiny mud island. With a rising tide and only half an hour of daylight left, fear grips the group as they realize they are trapped in the lair of a 'rogue' crocodile, governed only by its need to hunt and kill. Begrudgingly, Pete and Kate join forces to keep hysteria at bay and in the process start to see beyond their initial impressions. Their first attempt to escape fails, but then Pete has an idea - they must trap the crocodile to enable the group to flee to the other side of the island whilst Kate swims for help. Pete volunteers to stand guard, but without warning, the beast breaks free and targets Kate who fails to resurface. As darkness descends and the muddy waters rise, a terrifying struggle ensues with only one probable outcome death.

ANTAGONIST - A giant badass crocodile

BLOOD AND GORE - Not much blood but some gruesome croc bites

SCARES - A good amount. I jumped about 3-4 times.

REVIEW - For every Alligator or even Lake Placid there is a Primeval or Alligator 2 : The Mutation. Luckily this falls in the good categorey. This is one of the best man vs. wild horror film in recent years. This had an almost JAWS like quality. Now I am not saying this film is anywhere on par with JAWS. This was really well made. In a span of 20 minutes they set up character development and suspense. Then the action gets going and you care about everyone and if they live or die. Lot of great scares and tension. I give this film a 8 out of 10.

FILM 9 (31 Films of Horror)

FILM 9

FILM - Feast II : Sloppy Seconds

PREMISE - The monsters have made it into a small neighboring town in the middle of nowhere and the locals have to band with the survivors of the bar' slaughter to figure out how to survive.

ANTAGONIST - Hard to describe. Think of the Alien/Human hybrid from Alien Resurrection with gigantic teeth. See above poster for a better look.

BLOOD AND GORE - HOLY SHIT! Blood, guts, piss, cum and shit all throughout

SCARES - Not many scares but a lot of hard to watch things and occurrences.

REVIEW - I am a huge fan of the first film. It took a simple overdone concept and made it clever and original. This film on the other hand tries to out do the original film tenfold. It makes a line and subsequently crosses it by building a catapult and tosses a little person a million miles over it. Excessive is the main word here. I will say there is a scene that made me laugh and be horrified in the same breath. Laugh because I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The autopsy scene was a bit much too. I am in no way squeamish but this scene was just ridiculous which I believe was the point. There is even a scene with a cat. Like I said a million miles over the line. Don't get me wrong I was entertained but not as much as the original. And John Gulager proves once again that he has a real talent for taking an unoriginal idea and making it different. I give this a solid 6 out of 10.

FILM 8 (31 FILMS of Horror)

FILM 8

FILM - The Curse of the Living Corpse

PREMISE - Rufus Sinclair dies leaving a will vowing to return from the grave and wreak terrible vengeance on his family if certain conditions surrounding his death and burial are not observed; for his long-suffering wife Abigail (Helen Waren), he predicts death by fire; eldest son Bruce (Robert Milli)is promised a violent death by disfiguration; the next son, Philip (Roy Scheider as Roy R. Scheider)is informed he will die by suffocation; and Philip's wife Vivian (Margot Hartman)will drown. Several days after the reading of the will by family attorney James Benson (Hugh Franklin), the body of Rufus vanishes from its crypt, and the chain of retribution prophesied by ol' Rufus begins.

ANTAGONIST - He looks like The Shadow. He rocks a cane with a hidden sword in its sheath.

BLOOD AND GORE - Black and White and not red all over. Though a gruesome beheading is revealed

SCARES - There was a very creepy quality to this but not many scares

REVIEW - You know this wasn't half bad for a bad sixties slasher film. This was before there were slasher films. The acting was mediocre but that is expected. I don't know what else to say but this was a pleasant surprise and a enjoyable old timey horror film. Oh, I could have done without the blundering cops. Who knew such a horror film staple existed even back then. I give this a solid 6 out of 10.

31 Days of Horror is NO MORE!

Due to the overwhelming demand of a full time job and a wife and 2 kids, I can no longer watch a horror film everyday. Now mind you I will watch 31 Horror films by Halloween. I am commited to doing that at least. It will now be known as the 31 Films of Horror. Up Next is FILM 8 - The Curse of the Living Corpse.

Day 7 (31 Days of Horror)

DAY 7

FILM - Jack Brooks : Monster Slayer

PREMISE - As a child Jack Brooks witnessed the brutal murder of his family. Now a young man he struggles with a pestering girlfriend, therapy sessions that resolve nothing, and night classes that barely hold his interest. After unleashing an ancient curse, Jack's Professor undergoes a transformation into something not-quite- human, and Jack is forced to confront some old demons... along with a few new ones.

ANTAGONIST - Some pretty impressive monsters run around this film. It is all practical effects. No CGI monsters in this. The main demon has a Jabba the Hutt quality and it was done very well.

BLOOD AND GORE - Lots of blood and gross looking creatures

SCARES - Not at all. Very tounge in cheek

REVIEW - This film looked like it was a lot of fun to make. I had a lot of fun watching it. Trevor Matthews and Robert Englund brought spark to the cheesy dialoge. The make up effects and the films score were exceptionaly good. My only major issue is that it took almost an hour of the film to find it's footing and really get entertaining. Other than that for, a low budget horror this was a well made good time horror film that sets up a sequel which I think will be even better since the set up is in place. Bring on Jack Brooks : Monster Slayer 2. I give this a very high 7 out of 10.

Day 6 (31 Days of Horror)

DAY SIX

FILM - From Dusk Till Dawn

PREMISE - The Gecko brothers are fugitives, and are on the run after a very interesting bank robbery. They kidnap the Fuller family, and drive to a Mexican bar to meet with other on-the-run criminals. It turns out the crooks in the bar are vampires, and if the Gecko brothers and the Fuller family can survive from dusk until dawn, the "crooks" will let em' go.

ANTAGONIST - The Gecko Brothers are kind of the antagonist but are also our main characters and we learn to root for them well root for Clooney at least. Then for the most part vampires are the main antagonist. Cool looking but kind of weak in terms of being real easy to kill.

BLOOD AND GORE - Lots of blood and lots of gore.

SCARES - Not scary but bad ass.

REVIEW - This movie is what some of my friends would call a classic Spanky Movie. For a proper definition ask me at a later date. This film is in my personal pantheon. This film is in my top ten favorite horror films list. I love this film from the actors, to the script, to the action, to horror, to everything. I give this film a 9 out of 10. Did I mention I liked this movie. Cheech Marin has 3 roles in this movie and that's awesome too!

DAY 5 (31 Days of Horror)

DAY FIVE

FILM - A Nightmare on Elm St. 4 : Dream Master

PREMISE - Following up the previous Nightmare film, dream demon Freddy Krueger is resurrected from his apparent demise, and rapidly tracks down and kills the remainder of the Elm Street kids. However, Kristen (who can draw others into her dreams) wills her special ability to her friend Alice. Alice soon realizes that Freddy is taking advantage of that unknown power to pull a new group of children into his foul domain.

ANTAGONIST - Freddy Krueger the bastard son of 100 maniacs. My favorite modern day monster.

BLOOD AND GORE - Not much but it is still there.

SCARES - At this point they only cared about cool f/x and cool set pieces. Not scary at all. Freddy was now a stand up comedian

REVIEW - Watching this again for the first time in a long time I have come to the conclusion that this movie isn't very good. The f/x and set pieces are excellent and the best in the series. Where this falters is the cast. Especially the actress who replaced Patricia Arquette from part 3. Tuesday Knight was awful and almost ruined the entire movie. The other actors didn't do to well either. Well Robert Englund was of course amazing as the maniacal Freddy. Great f/x but the time spent to get to them isn't worth the wait. I give this a 5 out of 10.

DAY 4 (31 Days of Horror)

DAY FOUR

FILM - A Nightmare on Elm St. 3 : Dream Warriors

PREMISE - Picking up where the original Nightmare left off, Nancy has grown up and become a psychiatrist specializing in dream therapy. She meets a group of children at a local hospital facing Freddy Krueger, the same demon she once encountered in her sleep. One of them is Kristen, who has the power to draw other people into her dreams. Working with a male doctor assigned to the case, Nancy helps the kids realize their special abilities within the nightmare world. When Freddy captures one of her charges, she leads a rescue attempt into Krueger's domain, in hopes of putting his spirit to rest once and for all.

ANTAGONIST - Freddy Krueger the bastard son of 100 maniacs. My favorite modern day monster.

BLOOD AND GORE - A good amount of blood and gore but nothing too excessive. The puppet scene still gets me.

SCARES - At this point the Elm St. series had become a money making franchise and the scares gave way to f/x and one liners. The series kinda jumped the shark at this point.

REVIEW - Part one is the best but part 3 is my favorite. I saw this the Friday it opened in a sold out show at the Stoneridge Theater. What an experience. My dad dressed up like Freddy before there was such a thing as Freddy halloween costumes. He was freaking out the audience. Just a great time. The film is a blast and the dynamic of the people teaming up to fight Freddy with their various powers was cool to me. The return of the Nancy character was pretty sweet too. I would give this an 8 out of 10.

DAY 3 (31 Days of Horror)

DAY THREE

FILM - THE BIRDS

PREMISE - Spoiled socialite and notorious practical joker Melanie Daniels is shopping in a San Francisco pet store when she meets Mitch Brenner. Mitch is looking to buy a pair of love birds for his young sister's birthday; he recognizes Melanie but pretends to mistake her for an assistant. She decides to get her own back by buying the birds and driving up to the quiet coastal town of Bodega Bay, where Mitch spends his weekends with his sister and mother. Shortly after she arrives, Melanie is attacked by a gull, but this is just the start of a series of attacks by an increasing number of birds.

ANTAGONIST - I know it's sounds ridiculous and obvious but it's BIRDS. And they are pissed off.

BLOOD AND GORE - A couple very gruesome parts for the 1960's. Not a lot of blood but some shocking scenes of blood. And it's bright red Hammer Films colored blood.

SCARES - Very suspenseful. Very creepy. When you have something you take for granted like birds and turn them against you. It makes you think what if this really happened and that is a freaky feeling.

REVIEW - Alfred Hitchcock is the master of suspense. Not the master of drama. The first hour of this movie is boring with a capital B. Once the birds start attacking this film kicks into high gear and never lets up. The sound effects are the real star of this film. Just hearing the birds is enough to creep me out. The f/x were pretty amazing for the time too. The actors were great. Especially Tippi Hedren (Melanie Griffith's mom) who is just stunning. Hitch really knew how to pick woman for role's. I give this film an 8 out of 10 and happy I finally got to see it in its entirety.

DAY TWO (31 Days of Horror)

DAY TWO

FILM - CRITTERS

PREMISE - A Kansas farm is attacked by a hoard of hungry flesh-eating monsters from outer-space with razor sharp teeth and a witty attitude! The family who inhabit the farm must seek the help of a local drunk and his critter-fighting bounty hunting pals before its too late...

ANTAGONIST - The creatures are Tasmanian Devils meets Gremlins. They get bigger with each feeding and can roll up into a ball to get around. They also can shoot porcupine type quills out of their bodies that make the victim fall asleep.

BLOOD AND GORE - Not much here. The film is PG-13.

SCARES - Not much of this either. The movie is kind of played for laughs but it doesn't insult the viewer.

REVIEW - PG-13 very rarely works. Only a handful come to mind. (Tremors, The Ring, The Grudge) And Critters. This film is just a really good time and with an 85 minute run time the movie just cuts to the chase. The actors are believeable and the f/x are standard for the time. The creature effects are for the most part blatantly puppets but you don't care because you are having a good time. I would give this an 8 out of 10 and the marathon is back on track with this 80's genre classic. Interesting side note my old man and I saw this in theaters at least a couple times at 2 different theaters. The weird part was that each theater had to entirely different endings. Both of which can be seen on the DVD.

DAY ONE (31 Days of Horror)

DAY ONE

FILM - REEKER

PREMISE - When a lonely highway is inexplicably closed, five students sharing a ride to a party in the desert find themselves trapped at an empty motel. Refusing to let the new circumstances interfere with their fun, they settle in only to be interrupted by odd, haunting visions of severely mutilated travelers. The gruesome sightings may explain the sudden abandonment of the motel and diner, but the appearance of the retiree with a missing wife confirms their worst fears. He too has seen the dying people - victims of a killer, one that has likely taken his wife - a killer trailing a dark force of decay and rot.

ANTAGONIST - The creature in this was pretty cool. Jeepers Creepers meets Texas Chainsaw.

BLOOD AND GORE - Pretty standard. The opening was kinda gruesome. People with weak stomachs can watch.

SCARES - None to speak of and that's the problem.

REVIEW - About an hour or so into this I was thinking "what a shitty start to this month long marathon". The characters were for the most part unsympathetic and boring. Their acting was fine. Its just I didn't care much about what was going on. The movie has zero scares and it took a long time to get going. The only redeeming quality was the creature was pretty cool and the ending was actually really good. The ending was good enough to bump this from a 4 to a 5. Let's hope the sequel is just a little bit better.

NEXT DAY - CRITTERS

31 Days of Horror

Starting October 1st I will watch one horror film a day which will all culminate with me watching the original John Carpenter's Halloween on the big screen. After the viewing I will write a little review here on the blog. These films will range from classics to new movies. So there might be some stinkers. Let's hope not. OK kiddies starting next Wednesday let frights begin.

Here is a list of some of the films I will be encountering:

A Nightmare on Elm St. 3 : The Dream Warrirors
A Nightmare on Elm St. 4 : The Dream Master
Fright Night
From Dusk till Dawn
The Gravedancers
Feast 2 : Sloppy Seconds
Dance of the Dead
The Substitute (not the Treat Williams film)
Reeker

Top 5 : The Return (bottom 10)

These are 10 worst cd's I won. In no particular order here they are.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle soundtrack - There isn't one song on here to listen to. So why do I own it. Back in the 90's soundtracks were the big thing. So if you loved the movie you bought the soundtrack. Regardless of there being a good song on it. Now I believe Turtles 2 is a much better film but yet I don't own the cd. What gives?

The Pagemaster soundtrack - This was a promo copy sent to the old Hoyts Cine 8. I cleaned the theater to this film many times and the end credit song was by Babyface and Lisa Stansfield. I guess I thought I liked this song enough to add this cd to my personal catalog. I hope it was worth it.

Corrina Corrina soundtrack - Really, Really! I love 50's music but did I need throw down 15 bucks for this. God damn I wish itunes exsisted back in the 90's.

Supercop soundtrack - I love Jackie Chan back in the day. The best song on this cd is Tom Jones singing Kung Fu Fighting. Bye Bye 15 dollars.

WWF Superstars Wrestlemania the album - This cd was so bad that my buddy Kevin Plumeri bought it as a gag christmas gift for my other friend Howie for 50 cents from Media Play. I paid over 10.

WCW Slam Jam - Another wrestling cd of entrance music. Here are some track listings - Mr. Bang Bang, Don't Step to Ron and Steinerized. I rest my case.

Jeremy Jordan - Wow I couldn't get a gayer cd if it was called. GAY : THE CD. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Clay Aiken Measure of a Man - see above CD

Hammer The Funky Headhunter - Mc Hammer becomes a gangsta I become embarrassed.

Rhythm of the Games 1996 Olympics Album - I picked this as a prize when I worked at Media Play. I sold a DVD player when DVD players were new. So many choices and I chose this. I got it for a Boyz II Men tune. Did I mention I wished itunes was around.

There you have it. Hopefully the next top 5 will be up quicker than this one.

Pizza Pizza

We Are Laughing!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Blast from the Past

Does anyone remember this gem from the old days of Nickelodeon?

The Dark Knight deleted scene

THE BOY

My boy is 7 freaking years old as of July 31st. Man how time flies.

We are Laughing!

glumbert - Jack Black's King Kong Song

Tanskipedia : The Return

After successful wrist surgery Tanskipedia is back. And hopefully here to stay. A new top five list will be up later this week. The topic will be My top 5 worst CD purchases. Soundtrack and non-soundtrack. Really did I need to buy the soundtrack to the Whoopi Goldberg and Ray Liotta film "Corrina Corrina". See ya soon.

Brokewrist Mountain

BROKEN WRIST BE BACK SOON

Tanski Top Five

With Iron Man opening this week. We are going to do the top five comic book movies.

Here are the honorable mentions:

American Splendor
Sin City
Over the Hedge
Ghost World
Road to Perdition
Superman: The Movie
Superman 2 : The Director's Cut
300
V for Vendetta
Blade
The Crow


And now the list :

1. Batman Begins (until The Dark Knight opens)

2. X2 - X-men United

3. Spider-man

4. The Rocketeer

5. Blade 2

Way Back Machine

Remember this Nickelodeon gem.

TOP FIVE

Here are my top five most anticipated summer films of 2008.

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull



2. The Dark Knight



3. Iron Man



4. Tropic Thunder



5. Step Brothers

We are Laughing !

Zach Galifinakis is a GOD!

WAY BACK MACHINE

Does anyone remeber this?

Top 5 Sports Movies (comedies, dramas)

With the release of Leatherheads this week we are going to do the top 5 sports comedies and the top 5 sports dramas. Here are the dramas:

THE JAKE LAMOTTA MEMORIAL LIST

1. The Karate Kid - This film defines my generation and it defines me. If I were to do a list of my all-time favorite films this would be in the top 5. I love this film. I can quote verbatim and I still get goose bumps watching the ending. Put him in a body bag yeah.......

2. Hoosiers - If it weren't for the fast forwardable creepy love story with Gene Hackman and Barbara Hershey this would be number one. Another 80's gem with outstanding performances by all. I have always felt Dennis Hopper was robbed by Michael Caine for the Oscar. Does anyone really remember Hannah and her Sisters. They always remember running the picket fence.

3. Jerry Maguire - I have been having a tough time including this on a sports movie list but everywhere I look this is on everyone's best sports movie list. This was a great great film when it was released and then it got often quoted and turned into a cheesy dialogue heavy Springsteen song. It is kind of cool to rag on this. It still holds up after all this time and I still get a little misty eyed at the end. Tom Cruise when he wasn't couch jumping is cool too.

4. The Rookie - Yes it is slow and boring to a lot. To me this was just an absolute perfect movie let alone sports movie. Dennis Quaid once again proves why he is one of Hollywood's under rated actors. Another tearjerker film for me.

5. Rocky III - I know the first Rocky is a great film but dollar for dollar Rocky III is my favorite. You got Thunderlips, Clubber Lang, Mickey dies, Apollo trains Rocky. Just amazing. And that Survivor song is money. Yo Adrian!

Honorable mentions

• Field of Dreams
• Any Given Sunday
• Eight Men Out
• Rudy
• Raging Bull
• Rocky
• Rocky Balboa
• Million Dollar Baby
• The Cinderella Man

THE HANSON BROTHERS MEMORIAL LIST

1. Caddyshack - I know I know cliche' and over rated. To me this is not only the best sports comedy of all time but also one of the best comedies of all time. This was my first R rated film I saw. I was 4.( it was a different time back then - 1980) All I remember is having my eyes covered during the nudity and that I pissed my pants. Whether or not that occurrence was based on age or the movie I will never know. All I know is I can quote it verbatim and whenever my buddies and me are on the golf course we bring up the Cindrella story. Who doesn't? Just a classic.

2. Major League - See Hoosiers! Another boring romance sub plot keeps this from being number one. This is an instant classic and like many comedies quotable to the hilt. A young Charlie Sheen and Wesley Snipes shine in the baseball masterpiece. The sequels weren't too bad either.

3. Tin Cup - I don't know what it is about this film but I could watch this everyday if I could. Kevin Costner is not the best actor but it is just something about him that makes him so endearing. This actually has a watchable love story and man is Rene Russo gorgeous. Don Johnson is pretty cute too... wait what?

4. Kingpin - There's Something About Mary is hilarious. This is The Farrelly Brother's best movie. Partially because it was a huge bomb and didn't find life until video. My friend's and I saw this movie 3 days in a row and we played. My theater didn't get it. Woody, Randy and Bill were at the top of their game. We haven't got a cow... we got a bull!

5. Dodgeball - This movie is just perfect. Is Dodgeball a sports film? You betcha ass it is. Not one of the most popular sports but it's a sport in my book. Amazing quotes and just an amazing cast. Rip Torn is genius as Patches O'Hoolihan.

Honorable mentions

• Major League 2
• The Sandlot
• A League of Their Own
• Blades of Glory
• Semi-Pro
• The Bad News Bears (both versions)
• White Men Can't Jump
• Airborne
• Bull Durham (saw it later in life and it is good and funny but it didn't stick with me like other films. Maybe it is time for a re watch)
• Slap Shot (see Bull Durham)

NEXT WEEK WE WILL DO THE TOP 5 MOST ANTICIPATED 2008 SUMMER FILMS

32 AND COUNTING

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Coming Soon

TANSKI'S TOP FIVE SPORTS FILMS


With the release of Leatherheads this week we are going to do a top five sports films list. I will be breaking it down by comedies and dramas.

Top Five Favorite Wrestlers

The first blog will be based on the greatest vagina repellant (quote - Mike Minch) of all-time. I love professional wrestling. I have watched since I was kid sitting on my old man's knee and rooting the likes of Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka and hating the likes of Hulk Hogan. Yeah I said it I was never a fan of the Hulkster. With Wrestlemania just a mere hours away I would start off the very first top five with my TOP FIVE FAVORITE WRESTLERS.

Here are some honorable mentions:

Goldberg

Rob Van Dam

Shane O'Mac

Sid Vicious

Ric Flair

Here we go:

5. Macho Man Randy Savage

4. STING - The reason I watched NWA/WCW

3. THE ROCK

2. Stone Cold Steve Austin

1. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat